A Controlled Monitor is a plain name for a gentle idea. It means an arrangement that does something for you if you stop doing something yourself. You keep answering, and nothing happens. If you stop, it hands over what you left ready.
For a family, that is letters, instructions or a note about where things are. They stay private while you are here, and they reach the right people when you are no longer there to hand them over yourself.
Why not just pick a date
Some things belong to a day. A letter for a wedding or an 18th birthday can be set for that date, and it will arrive whether or not you are there.
Other things have no date. Instructions for the family, the note that says where the will is, a goodbye. You want those kept private while you are here, and found quickly when you are not. A date cannot do that, because nobody knows the date. A check-in can.
The versions people already use
Most people have met one, even if they never called it that.
- The trusted friend. "If you don't hear from me, open the envelope in the desk." It works, as long as the friend remembers, stays nearby and knows when to act.
- Account settings. Some email and cloud accounts let you choose what happens after a long spell with no sign-in, and who is told. Look in the settings of the accounts you use most.
- A check-in service. You get a message now and then asking if you are still here. You answer, and the clock starts again. If you stop answering for long enough, the things you set aside go to the people you chose.
None of these is the right one for everybody. What matters is that the choices behind them are made with care.
How to set one up
Whichever way you choose, the same few decisions do most of the work.
1. Decide what it should hand over. Start small. A Controlled Monitor is best for the things your family will look for first: how to get into the phone, where the papers are, who to call, what you would want done. A short letter belongs here too.
Keep the signed original of a will with your solicitor or wherever you keep it now. What it can carry is a note saying where it is.
2. Decide who receives each thing. One person may need the practical note. Each child may get their own letter. Think about each item and each person, rather than giving everything to one person at once.
3. Choose a rhythm you can keep. How often should you be asked, and how long can you go without answering before it acts? Once a month, with a week of grace before anything is released, is a comfortable place to start.
Then think about your real life. A long trip with no signal. A spell in hospital. A new phone or a new email address. Pick a rhythm and a waiting time that would still be comfortable in your busiest month.
4. Make it fine to arrive a little early. A Controlled Monitor cannot tell why you stopped answering. It might be because you are gone, or because you were unwell for a few weeks. So write each item as something you would be at peace with your family reading while you were unwell and still here. For practical notes, that is often exactly when they would help most.
5. Tell someone it exists. The people you chose should not be surprised. A sentence is enough: "I've set something aside for you, and it will reach you if I'm ever not able to tell you myself." They do not need to know what it says.
6. Look at it once a year. Put a reminder in your calendar, perhaps on a birthday. Check that the email address still works, that the people are still the right people, and that the notes still point to the right places.
What a Controlled Monitor cannot do
It is not a will, and it does not make anything legally binding. It cannot sign a form or prove who anyone is to a bank. The rules about wills, estates and accounts vary from place to place, and a solicitor can tell you what applies to you.
What it does well is smaller and very human. It makes sure the words and the notes you wrote are not lost in a drawer nobody opens.
What to do this week
- Write down three things you would want someone to have if you could not hand them over yourself.
- Next to each, write the name of the person who should receive it.
- Choose your rhythm: how often you would be asked, and how long it should wait.
- Pick the way you will do it: a friend with an envelope, an account setting, or a check-in service.
- Tell one person, in a sentence, that something is set aside for them.
If you would like it done for you
The check-in kind is what Legacy Drawer offers. We email you on the rhythm you choose with one button, "Yes, I'm here", and if a check-in goes unanswered past the waiting time you picked, the items go to the people you chose. Everything is locked on your own device, so we cannot read it, and you can change your mind while it is sealed. The pricing page says which plans include check-in release. However you set yours up, the aim is the same: private while you are here, and found when it is needed.